Life with Interns
by Bloody Mary
Summary: When the Supreme Intelligence sent Ronan the Accuser on his fateful meeting with the Fantastic Four, it also saddled him with interns. [Warning: crack]


Reed Richards had long ago come to terms with the fact that his life will be _interesting_. There's Victor Van Doom—he wonders if his second name isn't possibly Obviously Evil—who insists on interfering with everything, there are the aliens, the mutants, Johnny's girlfriends...

And now it seems there's going to be more aliens, apparently. The biggest one—who is also blue—looks really formidable. The others... well, Reed has seen those looks, when he has held lectures: three look a bit too eager, one has a cynical sneer on his face and two appear to be somewhere else entirely with their thoughts..

The biggest alien makes a „Khm"-sound at which the three that looked eager start looking around the walls and ceiling for inspiration, the cynical one rolls his eyes, one of the dreamers jumps up—literally, while the other continues smiling absently.

„You s-stand accused of... er... Una, what did they do?" whispers the left-most alien. He appears young, with blue skin and blue eyes. Reed can't tell much else about him—or the others, as most their bodies are encased in bulky armour.

„Destroyed Kree property," hisses presumably Una, now firmly woken from her reverie, in a clear contralto. Reed quickly re-evaluates the situation; some of the aliens are possibly of the female persuasion. Certainly, Una's features are finer than those of the first speaker or the biggest one. „Er... Sentry... 469?" She glances at Big Blue, whose expression in is in the „I ate a whole lemon" spectrum. „Uncle Ronan?"

That prompts the biggest alien to slide his hand over his face in a very human gesture of frustration.

„Accuser, niece," he rumbles. „While you're an intern, you must address me with the appropriate title."

„But you call me niece!" the young woman protests.

„...intern," Uncle Ronan, whose title is Accuser, says in a tone which sounds suspiciously like „I need a drink."

„Sorry, Un- er- My apologies, Accuser," Una, the niece, says. „I mean, Sentry 459. Which is—was-Kree property, and destroying other's property is bad."

„It was trying to kill us!" Johnny protests.

„Uh... The self-defence clause... is valid?" offers the right-most intern, his expression still painfully eager, and shrinks almost immediately.

„No, it's not," protests the one directly in the middle, looking as puppyishly earnest as his—or her-interlocutor. „The Sentry was protecting Kree interests, and if you'd have bothered to actually read up any of the materials on the case, you'd know that this is a clearly defined case where a Sentry is allowed to use lethal force."

„Yeah, but they're primitives," snorts the previous speaker. „And you're an a-... a-... son of a Shi'ar idiot and a door!"

„Is there anyone here, who is not an embarrassment to the Kree Empire?" groans Ronan the Accuser. „All of you must have had lessons in public speaking—has none of you paid any attention?" He looks at Reed, Sue, Johnny and Ben mournfully. „Please accept my sincerest apologies. This is quite an appalling mockery of a trial."

„So... we're not going to be tried for protecting ourselves from a crazy robot?" Ben asks quickly. That is met with a blank expression of utter incomprehension.

„Of course you will be," Ronan the Accuser replies. „You have broken Kree law. Unfortunately, you will be judged by interns. There is nothing I can do to prevent this—the Supreme Intelligence has decreed that they need to be tested for their readiness to join the Accuser Corps."

Reed considers the situation. „Perhaps before then we can talk? I have had interns myself, and it has been an... experience."

The „I have eaten a whole lemon" looks makes a glorious return. Reed decides to take it as a good sign, and continues. „Why there was the time where Mr Thomson nearly blew up the lab..."

„The standards with which youth use dangerous objects are abysmal," Ronan replies quite acidly. His glare is directed at intern with a cynical sneer, who rolls their eyes again.

„Ugh, I don't see why I have to bother with all of this," the cynical one snaps. By their voice, Reed guesses they are likely male. „So what if I dropped my Cosmi-Rod on Car-Tan's foot? He's from a minor noble house!"

„And when I find out who took the bribe that allowed you to pass exams, Kellis, you will be a dead member of a dead house," Ronan states in the same acid tones. „Choose your next words with extreme care, or be silent, if you do not wish to hasten your demise."

Kellis the Cynic opens his mouth, like a fish out of water, quickly becoming Kellis the Terrified.

„Now, I will take the accused here," he indicates Reed, „for a walk, while the rest of you can work on getting your act together. You have half an hour, and once I return, I expect the matter to be settled."

* * *

Half an hour later, Reed and Ronan are as close to being friends, as someone who intends to kill you over nonesense can be with their future victim, Johnny has managed to charm three of the Kree interns, all of them presumably female.

Then Namor shows up to propose to Sue.

* * *

**AN:**

The interns are all OCs - Una the niece has nothing to do with Una from Captain Marvel.

Characterization may have suffered in the name of crack.


End file.
